Ali

Disenchantment

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 04:49:22 GMT

I'm feeling very disenchanted with the world right now.

My job is going... okay. I like it in theory, and it's starting to work in practice. Once everything is up and running it will be quite fun to maintain. However right now it's trying to make things work when they haven't in years. And no one quite knows what my job is, so my exact responsibilities aren't clear. There's a lot of chasing managers around waiting to ask them questions, which sucks because they are busy people. But of course, I'm not a manager, so they can't just give me the clearance to do the things myself. And my boss seems particularly unclear as to what my job is - I think she's got me pegged as halfway between a gopher and a cheerleader. I have other plans.

But the disenchantment comes from two primary sources. Being a sub-manager now makes me privy to all the office politics. And holy crap, there's a lot. One manager in particular I have always considered my friend, and as someone who would support me. Well, apparently not so much. I asked for an opinion on an issue, and she promised me her support. But when push came to shove, and I stood up for what I believed in, she undermined me so she could suck up to her boss. I was honestly a little hurt, but it was minor enough that it wasn't worth bringing up. I just won't ask for her backup again.

And then today, I learn that she's taken her insecurities and made me a sinner. We were working on a project. I was becoming frustrated by the fact that it took 3 days to start and a full day to only half complete. She took this as me being frustrated at her, and asked me directly if this was the case. Apparently despite my reassurances that this was not the situation she still took it to my manager to complain. So I get a lovely speech about how I need to be flexible to make this job work and I need to understand the stress that managers are under. Keep in mind that I repeatedly explained that I understood why she couldn't help me for 3 days, and then worked at 5am in order to sync with her schedule and make the project work. Le frustrating.

So I get home, tired and annoyed, and manage to shed most of the lousy day. Orangina helped. Then, in my internet wanderings, I check out the local horse listings. And who do I see for sale? The horse who I was helping train 2 months ago. The one with the rather sudden change of heart.

Honestly, this is the worst of the day. This little mare has a host of physical and mental issues and needs more time to become solid. She's also not a desirable breed and isn't worth much on the market. Horses like this fall through the cracks. Maybe she'll get lucky, but she's just the wrong size/temperament/athletic ability combination to be very successful. I understand that there are many reasons to need to move a horse, but my little girl is now "priced for a quick sale", and labeled as suitable for a beginner with a coach (which she's not). The whole situation is just nasty and I can just hope that she finds a good place.

So yeah. Just feeling disenchanted with people right now. Feel free to send me pictures of kittens for cheering up.

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 04:04:19 GMT

So I just changed all of my rantey posts to friends only. I've actually been posting things on LJ forums, and didn't especially feel like having my private life available for viewing. It was one thing when only I (or people I told) even knew of it's existence, but yeah.
Life goes. Almost done university, finally. Jason has an OK job, and I like mine. We as a couple are doing better than ever. And I have high hopes for future horsey activities.

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 00:40:45 GMT

Happy New Years!
So I have finally reached an optimistic enough frame of mind to post something new. I had a great christmas in Calgary. I was totally spoiled rotten by both my parents and Jason's family (which was really sweet of them). I was extremely dissapointed that I didn't get to see many friends, specifically Jesse W, but I did get to see Nikki and Alex. I crossed a few major things off of my really important list of things to do, including taxes, which means dear King Ralph is sending me 400 smackers! And I got to go riding, which is always wonderful (though I suuuuuuck now).
Most importantly, though, was just being back in Calgary for a bit. It really helped me gain perspective. As much as Vancouver still frustrates me, I really got the sense that Calgary isn't where I should be. Being home reminded me of all the reasons I had left. I needed a change, and I certainly got it.
So now we're back, and I'm determined to make this city work for me. I might have a connection to riding, which would be absolutely wonderful. I could even potentially take some lessons and stop sucking so much (it hurts to ride so badly when I know so much better), but I'm afraid of jinxing it. I'm going to try even harder to get out of the house and see people (especially you and your friends, Andi). And I'm going to be patient, because there's only 3 more months of school and then I become a free woman. That day will be beautiful.
So yes. I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays. I'm looking forward to the new year.

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 06:48:42 GMT

Hmmm.
I have been coerced into the creation of this account. We shall have to see how this goes...